Well, there's one semester down. It would seem university isn't half as enlightening as I had expected. Then again, that's likely my own fault for becoming an Arts student. I thought it'd help me work out what I wanted to do, but it really didn't. Aiming for a law degree seems as impossible as it ever did, except now I'm not sure why I'd even want to. It's occurred to me recently that the only way I'm ever going to be happy or remotely content with anything I do in life is if I prioritise what means the most to me, and there's only one thing I can think of that makes me happy. Art is all I've really got going for me, being an artist means everything to me and for as long as I can remember it's been the only thing that separates the me that is writing this now from the me that will sit through life achieving nothing and never being remembered. As the cliche goes, the notion of pursuing artist-oriented dreams doesn't go down well with parents; then again, they're never happy with anything I do, so I guess I should just do what I want, really. But I can't, there's this fine line between things that are miles apart - what I feel I should do, and what I feel I should do for them.

So here I am, barely a month before my second semester at university begins, still not a clue what I'm doing. I'm so lost, not just because I'm indecisive but because I don't know how anything works, if i suddenly realised what I wanted to do I wouldn't know how to do it. I want to be an artist above all, but I don't know how to. I don't know how it works, I just feel like if I keep going the way I am and do amount to a productive member of society, following whatever excuse for a career I fall into, I know that that's the end of being an artist. Thinking about this destroys me.